I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I forget how to act sober
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
