For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
