i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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