i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
