So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
