bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
