can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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