i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
