Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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