you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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