Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
God, I missed his penis.
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