hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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