K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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