All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
