I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
third nipple confirmed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
