i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
