i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am puke
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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