So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
two words: eviction party
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
