The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
