dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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