Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
