just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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