the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
