It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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