just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize