In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
