Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
