she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
