oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
