just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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