Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
