What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
