Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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