they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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