You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm at about main and main street
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
