i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
