There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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