Don't make out with my wife yet
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
