I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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