I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I will pee on everything he values.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
