i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
