im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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