yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
