Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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