I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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