I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
how drunk are you?
Several
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
