he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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