Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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