I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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