you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
